The word ‘confront’ brings up many connotations of threat for some of us and it is very common for people to not want to hear or see this word. Many people become stressed because they are living in what has been called the “confrontational box”.
Most of us want to be ‘liked’, and in achieving this end we don’t tell others around us what we need and we often tell those around us what we think they want to hear. This can be a recipe for a personal ‘stress time bomb’ that is ticking away inside us.
Until we can confront the true issues in our lives without fear of rejection then the relationships we are seeking will never fully materialise.
If you tend to take the ‘soft option’ all the time and you do not express the way you really feel, you may be drifting into living a life of ‘over stress’, and for some, this personal behaviour borders on the realm of ‘distress’. It is in this state that the caustic hormone cortisol continues to be secreted in the body.
The outcome of this behaviour over time produces a state of ‘chronic stress’ and it can wear down our immune system. Insulin levels start to become affected and our internal hormonal secretion gets way out of balance.
Renowned author and award-winning neurobiologist Dr Robert Sapolsky, a professor at Stanford University explains the dangers of prolonged stress has on our body and mind. He says, “Chronic stress exposes us to caustic hormones—constantly! The impact stress has on our body is measurable: it causes our brains to shrink, adds fat to our bellies, and even ‘unties’ our chromosomes”.
Understanding the negative impact of stress is the first step in finding ways to deal with it. The next step, reduce stress.
My belief is that we were not brought into this world to be ‘liked’, we were brought into this world to be ‘loved’, and we personally are the masters of our own ships.
Start today to state ‘your truth’ about how you feel and how you wish to be treated by those around you. Quit the state of wanting to be ‘liked’. People respect others who are honest about what they want in life, stating how they choose to be treated and appreciate constructive feedback when it comes from the heart.
In order to move ahead and ‘de-stress’, you need to leave the confines of your current box and increase your level of confrontational tolerance. You may receive some negative feedback on your new path, however, the overwhelming response you will receive will be positive and you will be amazed how those around you increase their respect for your needs, wants and desires in life once you ‘tell the truth faster, with compassion’.
There are no short cuts … confrontation is the price.
By Dr John Hinwood
for the Stress to Strength team